Broken Feather Page 14

  “It’s about time you showed up,” Jason bellowed as the two rode into the yard. “I was about to go searching for you.”

  He could see that their horses were covered in sweat, and frowned.

  “We hurried back as fast as we could,” Broken Feather informed him. “Vanessa passed out from drinking too much wine, and I couldn’t arouse her, so I had to wait until she woke up.” At least, part of the statement was true, he thought. “How is Bradford?”

  “He will survive.” Jason went to Vanessa and helped her down from her horse. “You have been crying,” he stated as he saw the streaks on her cheeks and her red eyes.

  “Broken Feather was in a rush to return, and I have a splitting headache from drinking the wine. I wish to go straight to my room.”

  “I will have Mags run you a bath,” he told her. “It will make you feel better, and maybe some warm milk will calm your stomach.”

  “Thank you,” she mumbled as she passed him.

  Jason started to follow, but Broken Feather stopped him. “I need to talk to you before you go in,” he said, placing a hand on Jason’s shoulder.

  “Certainly, what is it, Broken Feather?”

  “I have come to the conclusion that I don’t have the disposition to be a ranch hand. I suppose I am too used to the excitement of being a scout, so I have decided to return to the army, and then later, return to Mexico. I will be leaving first thing in the morning.”

  “I am sorry to hear that, Broken Feather. I was looking forward to having you remain here for as long as you wished. You seem to know plenty about training horses. You saved all of our lives, and I appreciate that. With Bradford laid up for a bit, I need the extra help. Are you sure you won’t change your mind?”

  “Yes, I am sure,” he mumbled. Then he reached out his hand. “I am confident you will take good care of Vanessa,” he said, shaking Jason’s hand. “One of the reasons I asked to stay was I wanted to make sure the two of you got along, after that first night, when she ran off. I was hesitant to leave her here for fear she would try to take off again, and I felt she was my responsibility since her father entrusted her to my care. However, today, she assured me that you were getting along well, and she had no plans of leaving you, so I feel better about it now. You seem to have made your amends with one another.”

  “Yes, I realized I had been too abrupt with Vanessa on our wedding night. I left for three days just to give her a chance to think everything over and give her some space. When I returned, she assured me she wished to stay and give me an heir, so you have nothing to worry about. You can tell her father she is happy to remain here with me and I will take good care of her.”

  “I will do that. I intend to stay with the army for a year before I go back to Mexico. If anything happens between then and now, where you need my help, be sure to contact me. Vanessa seems to be a little fickle at times, so I am not sure if she will throw a tantrum for some unknown reason and take off again. If she does, I will come and assist you in any way you wish, to make sure she is safe.”

  “I wouldn’t expect anything less,” Jason responded. “However, I doubt she will have a reason to leave in the future.”

  “Then I have nothing to worry about,” Broken Feather said, trying to smile.

  He turned and took the horses to the stable to rub them down and cool them off before he put them away. His feelings were torn, but he knew his mind was made up, and once he left, there may be a slim chance of getting Vanessa out of his system. Only it was a very slim chance, he thought sadly.

  Broken Feather woke early, wanting to leave before anyone was up, so he wouldn’t have to face anyone before he left. He packed up the wagon and hitched the horse to it. MacGregor had given him enough food to last on the trip back, when he learned that Broken Feather was leaving. He planned to ride straight back and only stop for short periods of time to rest. The more distance he put between him and Vanessa, the sooner his heart could start mending.

  He gave one last look over his shoulder, as he started to pull the wagon out of the yard. It was then he looked up and noticed Vanessa looking down at him from her bedroom window. She opened the window and waved.

  “I love you, Broken Feather,” she called out on the crisp, morning air. “Please don’t leave!”

  “Goodbye, Vanessa,” he called back, “I wish you all the happiness in the world. It will be easier for you to find it without me.” Then he turned, and did not look back again for fear he would suddenly change his mind and turn the wagon around.

  Broken Feather remembered many occasions where it took a great amount of bravery to face what was ahead of him, but this seemed to be the hardest thing he had ever done. He would rather be fighting a whole tribe of Comanche, instead of having to leave Vanessa behind.

  Vanessa stood at the window, tears steaking her face. She wanted to rush out and jump in the wagon with Broken Feather, but she wasn’t brave enough to do it. She had been pampered all her life. This trek across Texas had shown her how hard life could be if you didn’t have a man helping you through it. Having Broken Feather there had been her one saving factor, but a future life like that, having to face the wilds daily, was more than she felt she could deal with. She liked the safe feeling living in the ranch house gave her, even with the risk of Comanche raiding the place, it was better than living in some hut with a bunch of Indians, she told herself.

  She would just have to put Broken Feather behind her. After all, she had gotten over losing Zack. Then she stopped, and stared out at the wagon as it started to disappear in the distance. The truth was, she had never gotten over losing Zack, and it was the very reason she had not wanted to lose Broken Feather, either. She realized in that moment, she would never get over losing Broken Feather either.

  Vanessa felt a hand on her shoulder, and she turned to see Jason. “Didn’t you hear me knock?” he asked as he turned her to face him. “You have been crying again,” he murmured, wiping the tears from her eyes.

  “I feel horrible, Jason. I think I am coming down with something. I should probably go back to bed.”

  “I see Broken Feather has left,” he said, leading her back to the bed. “Did he tell you he planned to leave?”

  She nodded. “I tried to talk him out of it, but he wouldn’t listen. We formed a close friendship during the time we traveled here. I was sure he would consent to stay if I asked him.”

  “He seems to like army life better than ranch life. I guess working here was a little dull compared to all that is required of the scouts during this time of turmoil with the Indians.”

  “I hope it makes him happy,” she muttered. “The army doesn’t even pay him what he is worth.”

  “He said he would be leaving for Mexico in a year, maybe by then, he will change his mind and be willing to work here again.”

  “I doubt it,” she replied, as she lay down on the bed. “I think I need to rest,” she murmured.

  “I will send Mags up with something for you to eat. I think the wine must have gotten the better of you. Next time you shouldn’t drink so much.”

  “I suppose you are right,” she shrugged, and then he left the room.

  Vanessa remained in bed for the next three days, and Jason called the doctor, but she knew the doctor could not cure what ailed her. It would just take time for to get over the loss of Broken Feather, she told herself.

  Jason tapped on her door on the fourth day, and entered her room. “Are you feeling any better?” he asked. “If so I need you to come downstairs because I have a surprise for you.”

  “A surprise?” she questioned. “Why can’t you bring it up here to me?”

  “When you see it, you will know,” he told her with a smile. “Here, let me put your wrapper on you, and I will carry you down if you are not feeling well enough to manage the stairs yourself.”

  He placed the robe around her shoulders, and lifted her up in his arms. Jason brought her down the stairs and into the great room, where Vanessa took in her breath, giving
a little squeal.

  “You got me a piano!” she exclaimed, wriggling down from his arms to inspect it.

  “That I did,” he laughed. “I had to do something to cheer you up. Do you feel up to playing it?”

  “Oh, Jason, you are too kind to me,” she cried, rushing to him and kissing him. “Of course I will play it!”

  “It looks as though you are starting to feel better already,” he beamed.

  “You know the best medicine for me,” she praised.

  “I also had one of the boys dig up a plot for you to start a flower garden in. When you feel up to it, you can start planting the seeds I bought for it.”

  “That is wonderful, Jason. I am sure, once I get out in the sun and start working in it, I will recuperate soon enough.”

  “I was hoping you would. I have been feeling lonely with you cooped up in your bedroom for so long. You have to start getting better. The doctor says there is nothing physically wrong with you. He seems to think you are just depressed.”

  “I suppose I am feeling depressed, having to leave Louisiana, and then Broken Feather taking off. Besides you, he was the only person I knew out here, and now he is back at the fort.”

  “Maybe he will come to visit us sometime. I will write your father and ask about him, if you wish.”

  “Maybe later,” she murmured, as she sat down on the bench and opened the dust cover to the upright piano.

  Her fingers touched the keys, almost lovingly, and then she began to play, softly at first, and then more vibrantly as the song progressed.

  “You play wonderfully,” Jason said, as he sat beside her on the bench. “Keep playing, I don’t think I could ever tire of listening to you play.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  The days began to pass slowly as Vanessa occupied herself by working in her flower garden and playing the piano, trying to keep thoughts of Broken Feather out of her head. At night, Jason would take her into his arms and gently make love to her. It only distracted her mind slightly, as she got lost in his caresses, but when it was over with, she realized she craved Broken Feather’s caresses, no matter how kind Jason was to her.

  She received a letter from her father, asking how she was and wanting to know what had happened between her and Broken Feather, because he refused to talk about her. She didn’t bother to answer the letter.

  Vanessa sometimes spent hours playing the piano when Jason was out working on the ranch, just to fill her emptiness with music. Her small plants were coming up, showing promise, and she was looking forward to when all her flowers would be in bloom. Somehow she managed to get over most of the pain at losing Broken Feather, and tried to turn her attention towards Jason because he was trying so hard to please her.

  One morning she awoke with a start, and sat up in bed. Jason had already left the house, having to rise early to start working the ranch. It suddenly dawned on her that she hadn’t bled for a very long time, and she tried to remember the last time she had her course. It was just before she had come out to Texas, she remembered, which was a sure sign she had conceived. She sat shivering in the bed, wondering if she should tell Jason or not.

  She couldn’t tell him until she was certain, she decided. Besides, if she told him, he would start hovering over her, and may decide to stop making love to her the way she had requested earlier. She knew she would miss his touch, if that was the case, and there was plenty of time before she would know for sure, she decided.

  She had fallen into a comfortable routine with Jason. He had grown gentle with her, and often confessed that he loved her, only she refused to admit her feelings one way or another to him. She kept hoping that Broken Feather would miss her so much he would decide to return to the ranch, but so far, that hadn’t happened. He had been right, though, she thought. She couldn’t have her cake and eat it too.

  Vanessa was growing fond of Jason, and didn’t want to hurt him. Thinking she was carrying his child caused a bond to grow tighter between them, and if Broken Feather returned, it would just confuse her all the more. Maybe Broken Feather had been right. Maybe it was better this way. Now she would soon have a child to care for, and it would need a mother and a father. She would have to put Broken Feather behind her for good, and get on with her life.

  By the second month of keeping her secret to herself, she was certain she must be carrying a child, and it was only right that Jason should know. She knew he would be overjoyed, but to her, it was bitter sweet, because it meant she had to commit herself to Jason and work on learning to love him with the same passion she had felt for Broken Feather. He made it very easy to like him, and maybe love would grow on her eventually, she hoped.

  “You look rather chipper this morning,” Jason said, as Vanessa came outside to stroll through her flower garden that was actually starting to look like a garden, rather than just a dug up plot.

  “Why don’t you come and look at my flowers with me?” she asked, as he approached her.

  Jason hesitated, and then shrugged. “I have quite a bit to take care of this morning, but I suppose I can spend a few minutes with my wife.”

  “I barely see you, except at night,” she murmured.

  “The ranch takes a lot of work, and with Bradford having been out of commission for a couple of weeks, it put us all behind and we had to double up on the work. However, he is recovering nicely now, and we have to start getting ready for the roundup, to move the cattle out to market.”

  “Does that mean you will be gone?” she asked.

  “For as long as it takes us to drive the cattle to the stockyards, which may take a few weeks going there, and maybe a week coming back, since we won’t have cattle to contend with, then. We will be hiring on more help, when the time comes.”

  “I will miss you, when you leave,” she murmured.

  “You will? You have been so quite lately, I thought you were tiring of my company.”

  “I have been trying to gather my thoughts, because I need to tell you something,” she said slowly.

  Jason’s face turned to worry, as he grabbed for her hand. “Don’t tell me you wish to leave me, Vanessa. Broken Feather said you were fickle and might try to leave again. I don’t want to come back from the drive and find you gone!”

  “No… I don’t plan on leaving you, Jason. I have actually grown very fond of you. You have been so kind to me.”

  “Then what is troubling you?” he asked. “Whatever it is, I will try to fix it.”

  “I don’t think you will wish to fix what I have to tell you,” she smiled, tightening her grip on his hand that was still holding hers.

  “What is it, then?” he asked impatiently. The way she was gripping his hand, he didn’t know what to think.

  “I think, when you return from the drive, you can start looking forward to being a father,” she replied at last.

  Jason stood still, looking down at her, and then his hand went to her stomach, as a smile stretched across his face. The next moment he was crushing her in his arms.

  “This is wonderful news,” he cried, smothering her in a kiss. “It is what we have been working towards, right?”

  “Yes, I suppose so. I just didn’t think it would happen so fast. I have known about it for a couple of months now, but I just wanted to make sure.”

  “Oh, Vanessa, I can’t tell you how happy this makes me!”

  “Me too,” Vanessa admitted.

  “We should have the doctor come and look at you to make sure you are healthy, and what you say is true.”

  “I suppose, if you wish. I feel perfectly fine. I haven’t even been getting sick like most mothers do when they start out.”

  “I just want to stay on the safe side. I suppose we should refrain from…”

  “I’ll ask the doctor about it. I don’t know if it would cause complications or not.”

  “I don’t want anything happening to our child, Vanessa. If you rather I stay in my own bed at night…”

  “I would be even lonelier, seeing that is the
only time I get to see you,” she murmured.

  “Then I will treat you with respect while we are together,” he assured her. “You had said in the beginning that when you conceived…”

  “That was then,” she interrupted. “This is now. My feelings for you have changed since then, and I enjoy having you hold me at night. If the doctor believes it is acceptable, I would allow you to express your need for me, if you wish.”

  “I love you, Vanessa,” he whispered in her ear. “Now we will start to be a true family.”

  “I may be starting to learn to love you as well,” Vanessa said, not being able to commit to the thought of loving anyone other than Broken Feather. Only now, she could never have Broken Feather back again, she realized.

  “I will tell Mags to keep a close eye on you while I am gone on the drive. It won’t be for a few weeks yet, though,” he told her.

  “Then we have time to enjoy each other’s company before you take off,” she murmured.

  “I got a letter from your father,” he said, changing the subject. “He is worried about you because he said you never answered his letter.”

  “He wrote to me when I was so depressed. I didn’t feel like writing to him back then. I suppose I can write and tell him about the baby, though. It will make him happy to learn he will soon be a grandfather.”

  “It will just make him feel old,” Jason laughed, “but I am sure the news will make him happy. He said Broken Feather has not mentioned you once since he returned and wondered if the two of you had argued before he left. Is that why he decided to leave, Vanessa?” he asked seriously.

  “We did have a sort of falling out. Only it wasn’t that which caused him to leave. We argued because he had decided to go back to being a scout, and I accused him of not being my friend. When I was young, there was a black slave I had grown very fond of, and when he was sold, it took me a long time to get over it. Broken Feather reminded me of Zack, and I suppose it was just like losing Zack as my friend all over again. I didn’t want him to leave.”