Spit and Grit Page 7

  “I have the cousin’s address,” Ma tells me. “Marvin gave it to me when he first got here because he said his mother wanted me to write and tell her how we were getting on. I wrote her once, but she never answered it.”

  She goes to the little writing desk and copies down the address from where Marvin had written it for her, and hands it to me.

  “I’ll miss you Mazy, but we have the hired help now, so we’ll get by. It is horrible that Marvin came to help us out like this and then uses you like he did. If Pa was here, he would shoot him for sure!”

  “Well, I just may shoot him for Pa,” I say, and I go into the kitchen and start packing up some grub to use along the way. I fill two gunny sacks full of the things I will need. I put a cot roll behind the saddle, fill my saddle bags with extra clothes, tie the gunnysacks together with a rope and sling it between the cot roll and my saddle. I hug Billy goodbye and then I hug my mother.

  “I don’t know how long it is going to take, Ma, but don’t worry about me. I will be fine.”

  “You take good care of yourself. I shouldn’t let you do this, but I know there is no stopping you!”

  I climb up on Rocket’s back and I look around the ranch one last time, then I head into town to get the money before I take off towards the east.

  Half the day is already gone, so I know I am not going to get very far before sundown. The sooner I get started, the sooner I will get to New York, find Pa’s cousin, and then find Marvin. I realize I don’t even know Marvin’s Sir name. And he had just written down ‘cousin Molly’ on the paper he gave to Ma, so I don’t know her last name either, but at least I have her address, I think.

  When the sun starts to go down, I find a clearing under some trees by the river. I know the river leads all the way to the east because it is the river the pioneers followed when they went to Oregon. Following the river will help since I will be needing water along the way to cook and wash. There is no threat of wild Indians because they were rounded up and put on reservations a long time ago, and pretty soon, we will be going into a whole new era. Only there could be thieves and bandits and just plain mean people roaming along the way, I figure.

  I set up camp and I sit and look into the flame of the small campfire I made, while I try not to think about how Marvin used me. I am starting to hate him even more, with every step Rocket takes. There’s a rustling sound and I grab for my rifle that is on my saddle, sitting beside me on the ground.

  “You can put it away, Mazy,” Granger says, and I growl inside. Ma went and told him, I think. She would never let me do this alone.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask as I push my rifle back in its sheath. Only I know what he is doing here already.

  “You’re not going to do this, Mazy. You are going to come back with me and marry me,” he says sternly.

  “No, I’m not, Granger. You don’t own me and you can’t tell me what to do. I know what I am going to do and you can’t stop me.”

  “Forget it, Mazy,” he says and he comes over and sits down beside me and tries to take me into his arms.

  “You stay away from me, Granger,” I growl as I push him away. “I told you I didn’t love you and I wasn’t going to marry you. And now, I sure am not going to let you take on some bastard child and try to claim it as your own, just to save me from shame. I deserve the shame. I brought it to myself and I will just have to deal with it. Nonetheless, I’m going to make Marvin pay for my shame.”

  “Well, I don’t care if you don’t love me or are never going to marry me. I’m not letting you do this on your own. If anything else, I want to confront Marvin and call him out myself.”

  “You can’t go challenging him to a gun fight!” I yell. “They don’t do it that way in civilized society. He lives in New York City.”

  “Then I will just shoot him and have done with it,” he growls.

  “And leave his wife and children destitute?” I ask. “No, I’m going to hit him where it hurts. I am going to tell his wife so she knows what a good for nothing womanizer she is married to, and then I am going to demand he pay me for what he did.”

  “Mazy, you don’t have to do that. I have plenty of money. I can take care of you.”

  “It’s not the money, Granger. It’s the fact that he will be paying the money. He will have to remember that he did that to me and he can’t get away with it as easy as he thinks. I am not going to let him go back to his comfortable life and just forget what he did to me. If his wife has a lick of sense, she will leave him and sue him for adultery, and we can be her witnesses since you are all determined to come with me.”

  “I swear, Mazy, you are one woman that no man should get on the wrong side of. Maybe that is what I love about you. All that spit, and grit that keeps you going is alluring to me. Hell, you probably don’t need a man to take care of you, Mazy. Just the same, you deserve one that loves you.”

  “No, I don’t, Granger. Don’t you start sweet-talking me. I’m not going to stand for it, you hear? No more of this ‘I love you, Mazy,’ talk. If you are coming with me, you keep your love talk to yourself.”

  “Fine then, but it won’t stop me from loving you, Mazy. You remember that. I’ll love you until my dying day and nothing you say or do is ever going to change that.”

  “It don’t matter, Granger. You can love me till your dying day, but you are never going to have me, and nothing you say or do is ever going to change that, either.”

  I almost can’t stand to look at the hurt in Granger’s eyes when I say that, but I can’t let him wear me down cause it wouldn’t be fair to him. I believe someday, he will get over me and find a woman that he can make happy like he is so determined to make me. I lie down on my cot roll.

  “Don’t you be laying near me either,” I spit. “I don’t want you touching me or smelling me or doing any of those things that make me remember how it felt…” I stop myself. “Just keep your distance is all.” I finish.

  “You may not want to remember how it felt, Mazy, but I’ll never forget. I don’t want to forget,” he whispers as he comes up next to me. “I’ll always remember, Mazy, always!”

  Then he straightens up, takes the saddle off his horse, and goes to the other side of the fire and puts his cot roll down. He lies there glaring at me across the fire so I turn my back to him.

  I wake up to the smell of bacon cooking and I open my eyes to find Granger cooking us something to eat. I sit up and watch him for a while and then I get up and go behind some bushes to relieve myself. I go down to the river and wash my face and hands and then come back up to the campsite.

  “You know New York is a long ride from here,” Granger says, as he puts food on my plate.

  “I don’t have nothing better to do with my time,” I tell him

  “Why do you want to worry your Ma so much?” he asks.

  “I’m not a child anymore, Granger. You told me that yourself when you made me watch them horses mate. I’m almost twenty-one and nothing to show for it. Ma has to let go of me sometime.”

  “You need to settle down and be a woman, Mazy. Get married and have a family,” he insists.

  “You said yourself no one wants a woman like me, that smells like a man half the time. Besides, if doing what I did with Marvin is the way you bring babies into this world, I don’t want no part of it.”

  “It’s not like that, Mazy. Marvin didn’t take care to let you enjoy what he was doing.”

  “You’re just saying that cause you want me to marry you so you can do it to me too,” I tell him.

  “You let me touch you before, Mazy, and you’re not a virgin anymore. You could be carrying a baby or not, so what difference does it make? Just let me show you what it is really like when a man loves a woman. And if you don’t like it, you can tell me to stop.”

  “You want to do it with me right here and now?” I ask a little astonished.

  “You’re not going to find out any other way. You know how I can touch you already, and I promise you, Mazy, d
oing it with the right man will make it feel better than that.”

  “I don’t think I should let you,” I say.

  “Now is the only time I can do it because if you are carrying a baby now, it won’t make any difference, and if you’re not, you probably can’t get one yet, if I do it now.”

  Granger comes over to me and takes my hand.

  “Just let me try, Mazy, and if it doesn’t prove to you that a marriage bed can be enjoyable, I won’t ever try to touch you again.”

  The way Granger is looking at me, almost makes me tremble and he gives me a nudge and pushes the pan of bacon off the fire. Then he leans me back down on my cot, where I have been sitting.

  “Just let me try,” he whispers, as he leans over me, and begins to kiss my neck lightly. The feel of his lips on my neck, start to remind me, but I try to steel myself against those feelings because I can’t let Granger love me. If I let him do this, he will love me all the more. Still, I can’t seem to push him away either, as his lips begin to wonder over my face and then land on my lips. He is kissing my lips as he is unbuttoning my shirt and opening the collar so he can drag his kisses over my neck and down to the edge of my undershirt neckline.

  Granger pulls the undershirt up out from under my denims, pushing it over the top of my breasts. I feel his mouth is caressing me, bringing on those familiar shivers, while his hand caresses my skin. I catch my breath at the feel of it. He lifts me and pulls both shirts off of me, and then he lays me back down on the cot and begins trailing his mouth over my exposed body. The feel of his mouth and hands on me, start to awaken me in that strange memorable way again. I realize I don’t want him to stop touching me and kissing me. I arch my back a little when he pulls against my skin with his mouth. When I do that, Granger lowers his hand to my denims and unfastens them. Then he is pulling them off of me, along with my long johns, and I lie completely exposed before him.

  I watch as Granger removes his shirt and trousers, but he leaves his long johns on. My eyes go to the bulge beneath his long johns. He sees where my eyes are fixed and he sort of smiles.

  “I don’t want you to touch me,” he whispers. “Not until I am through touching you, anyway.”

  The wonder that Granger causes as he lavishes me with attention, overwhelms me. His kisses are abundant, and after each deep kiss, he lowers his mouth to me and roves over my skin with his lips and tongue. The feel of his breath on me, causes a shiver to go through me. His fingers stroke over me and he lifts his head to watch the expression on my face.

  I close my eyes as I start to welcome that anticipated sensation starting to build, then I feel his lips brush against me and I give in to his persuasion, letting the rapture wash over me until I am whimpering with the pleasure of it. As I lie there, shivering with the aftermath of the way Granger has pleased me, he removes his long johns, but when I see him start to lean over me, I begin to get frightened and try to squirm away from him.

  “It’s all right, Mazy love, I’m not going to hurt you. I am going to make you feel better than how you feel now,” he coaxes, and he lowers over me, being gentle and slow. It is almost like my body welcomes him there as I feel him begin to move. He is not in a hurry like Marvin had been. He takes his time, making sure I am comfortable with what he is doing. The more he moves, the better it starts to feel, and I notice I am starting to move with him. I discover I want him there, and I surprise myself by encouraging him to continue. When he sees this, he tightens his arms around me, and I arch my back to allow him better access.

  Granger’s lips cover mine and he sucks my breath into his mouth. I can feel myself coming apart as he continues to show me a different side of the experience I had with Marvin. It makes me want to shatter out into the universe with that same rapture he had given me earlier and I am thinking he is right. Maybe that mare was enjoying what that stallion was doing, because the feel of Granger becoming a part of me, is making me feel whole. I suddenly realize that I can’t live without Granger, but until I find out whether I am carrying Marvin’s baby or not, I know I cannot have Granger as my own. And now, if I do discover I am carrying, I won’t know if it is Marvin’s or Granger’s. He has tricked me again, I think, and I don’t know whether to love him or hate him for it. Still, at the moment, I just want to savor the love he is showering on me, and not think about anything else.

  Granger brings me to the stars and back, and then he joins in my same pleasure, but he still holds me to him and won’t let me move.

  “Just let me enjoy this while I can,” he breathes, and I figure he knows that the moment he lets go of me, everything will go back to the way it was before he touched me.

  “Thank you, Granger. Thank you for showing me this. I know you did it out of love. I can’t deny that you love me, Granger. Only I still can’t marry you. Not yet, anyway.”

  “Does that mean that you might?” he asks hopefully.

  “I can’t say how I am going to feel tomorrow or the next day. I can’t say how I am going to feel if I find out I am with child. Yet right now, I think I love you, Granger, so just hold onto that, until I find out if I am carrying, and I’ll give you my answer then.”

  “Mazy, Mazy. Just think about it,” he begs.

  “I will, Granger,” I tell him, and I put my arms around his neck and kiss him. Only I know if I discover I am carrying, I will never marry Granger because I don’t want him wondering who that baby really belongs to.

  “I love you, Mazy, I love you, Mazy,” he keeps repeating in my ear as he crushes me to him. We lie in each other’s arms and end up falling asleep until the sun is straight up in the sky.

  As I stir, Granger whispers, “Just one more time, Mazy, cause I know I won’t be able to touch you again after today.”

  And then he is repeating what we shared earlier, and I am accepting him willingly. We turn on my cot roll and I am on top of him and he is laughing, accusing me of always wanting to be in control. We roll together, expressing unbridled love and passion until the two of us are spent, and panting in each other’s arms.

  I know we have to face the day and I am not going to back down about going to New York. Granger knows it, so we get up. Then Granger leads me out in the river and we bath together. I cling to Granger’s neck, holding on to the last shreds of happiness before we have to get out and get dressed, eat the cold bacon and biscuits, pack up our gear, and resume our journey. I am praying that I am not carrying a little one in me so I can love Granger for real.

  CHAPTER SIX

  It takes us a month to ride to New York. Although I let Granger hold me at night, that is all he does. He wants to touch me intimately, like he did before because he tells me that will not make a difference as to whether I have conceived or not. Only I am afraid for him to make me fall more in love with him than I already am. He doesn’t know how much I truly love him and I don’t want him to discover it. So I hold him off and he respects my wishes.

  By the end of the month, I am worrying that I am carrying because I have not started my course yet, and it should have come by now. The more I think about it, the worse I begin feeling. Granger looks at me worriedly from time to time and I know what he is thinking. I know he is waiting for me to tell him I am not carrying, but I don’t say anything to him and he does not bring it up.

  We keep asking people about the address I have for cousin Molly, but no one knows where the street is, and it is not until we are in the thick of New York City, that someone actually knows the address.

  The city frightens me. I have never seen anything like it before. The way Marvin talked, it was a beautiful shining city, but while there are many attractive aspects to it, I find it dirty and frightening and full of so many people, I don’t think I can breathe. Soon, we discover there are many different parts of New York, and not all of it is alike. There is a part of town where the street urchins seem to run wild, while another part of townhouses the wealthy. There is yet another part where all the shops are. We find docks and bays, and water separating one pa
rt of New York from the other. It all becomes so confusing to me, that I am glad that Granger came along or I would be at my wit’s end trying to figure out what to do?

  It takes us a week of wandering around the streets of New York, and camping in the parks, with people staring at us like we have come from the moon or something before we are able to find the street that my Pa’s cousin lives on. The people we pass on the street are dressed so differently from us, and most people ride in buggies. If they ride horses they are usually dressed in fine clothes, not grubby clothes like us. The women hold parasols as they walk along the streets or ride in open buggies. They are dressed in expensive clothes except for the poor who are dressed like beggars selling flowers or fruit.

  The street that cousin Molly lives on has rows of large expensive looking houses lining the street. Finally, we reach the address, but when we approach the house, it is all shut up tight and it doesn’t look like anyone lives there. Even so, we walk up to the door and knock, but no one answers. I see a woman walking on the street and I stop her and ask her if she knows where the woman who lived in that house went?

  “Molly Mayfield?” she asks. “She died. Got the fever I believe. It’s been a month, I think, since she died,” she tells us.

  “Do you know where her son Marvin Mayfield lives?” I ask assuming he must have the last name as his mother.

  “I’ve seen him before, but I am not sure where he lives. You could go to the post office and ask,” she suggests.

  I nod and thank her, then climb back up on Rocket, while Granger mounts his Roan, which I discover he calls Dusty.

  “We need to find us a hotel to stay in, Mazy. People are looking at us like we are freaks. We need to get some clothes so we blend in, hire a buggy, and look decent before we go looking for Marvin. No more sleeping out on the streets and parks. I Got money. There’s no reason we can’t use it to better ourselves. Only you will have to say you are my wife, so we can get a room together.”